Sunday, November 20, 2011

i'm back

i have volumes to write, but i'm probably not going to do that. i'm just going to tell you about the time that i went to instacare last week because my throat was seizing up. someone once told me that my arteries were going to seize up because i eat a lot of buttery foods. i assured them that the butter was a blood lubricant which actually made my heart run more efficiently.

the woman working at the front desk made me put on a SARS mask, even though i've never been to china. i asked her if she'd also put one on so that i wouldn't get any more sick, but instead of doing that she just blank stared me until i walked away.



i don't love going to the doctor's office, because i hate hearing bad news. however, when i was called back, the murse seemed extremely capable and inspired me with confidence.

murse: "let's take your temperature (puts the thermometer in my rec - in my ear). 95.1 degrees ... hmmmm ... that can't be right. you'd be dead."

me: (shrug) "i assure you, i'm very much alive."

murse: "let's try it again (puts thermometer in my ear). 95.1 degrees. well, ok."

that was it. no clarification. then he told me i had high blood pressure, and i told him that it's probably because he just told me that i was dead, even though i didn't think i was. and i continue to feel that i am not.

the doctor came in and told me i didn't have strep, that he didn't know what it was, and that if it still hurt in 3 or 4 days to take some antibiotics which he prescribed me.

between the murse's ineptitude and my doctor's apparent lack of knowledge, i was disappointed. that is, until i realized that i had the privilege of paying $158 for services rendered.

i've healed as of this post. my throat no longer silently screams at me when i swallow food/DP, and i was even able to go on a blind date last night. i doubled with a buddy and his wife, and thought that the evening went really well. that is, until dinner finished, we got to the parking lot, started our separate ways to our separate cars, and she said to to my friends "it was really nice meeting you. have a nice rest of your life."

2 comments:

emilyf said...

did she seriously say that! wow.

so glad you're back. and not actually dead, though temperaturely you should be. perhaps your beard is the only thing keeping you from death. keep yourself warm.

Stephanie said...

Two things:
1. I'm hurt you didn't call me...I could have done all of that for only $100.
2. DP? You gave up DC? Was it just a phase when you lived here?