Monday, November 30, 2009

you wouldn't like me when i'm angry

this is me with my angry face, giving my pg-rated finger to the ridiculous grade a ridiculous professor gave me on a ridiculous midterm:

Friday, November 27, 2009

i have a family


and this is my dad's side (well, most of them). my three favorite things from the picture:

1. uncle joe's fangs
2. cousin charlie's mustache
3. brother-in-law nate's hiding from the camera

Thursday, November 26, 2009

three pictures

i'm in The Land of the North right now, visiting both my distant and all-too-close relatives for thanksgiving. yesterday during the drive, we drove through jack in the box for lunch, and the total came to $20.04. mom said, "does anyone have four cents?" to which dad replied "does anyone have 20 bucks?" Andy™ and i laughed at the thought of paying for a meal when mom and dad were there.

mom's been taking a ton of pictures all day, so as soon as i get my mitts on them i'll put them up. until then, i've just got these three.

this is me and liv:


liv's good at a lot of things, such as (1) being cute, (2) drooling, and (3) creating/distributing absurdly disgusting smells. at 6 months old, she's only 13 pounds. by comparison, when chiP was 6 months old, he weighed about 42 pounds and ate his weight in food every day.

here are hunter and aiden:


hunter and aiden are two dudes after my own oreo-eating heart. hunter, on the left, is a simple soul, content with just enjoying his oreos while unwinding from a long day. notice his body language: relaxed but alert, taking the time to split his oreos in twain before consuming them. aiden, by contrast, is much more aggressive in his oreo consumption, as evidenced by the menacing look on his face and the 3 full double stufs he's chewing at the moment this picture was taken.

lastly, my new hat that my astoundingly terrific aunti terri, who lives in seattle and has a birthday on may 28, gave me:


i know that you're jealous, because right now i have on a limited edition HALO3 hat, which shows my support of and participation in the galaxy-saving strategic missions of the United Nations Space Command (UNSC). b-b-b-booyah.

happy thanksgiving, people.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

a new home for my bottom

since i'm now a big-shot law student, i decided that it was high time to spoil myself. up until earlier today, the only pieces of furniture in my apartment were a computer chair, computer desk, non-computer desk, and card table, which should really be called a things table, because it's where i put my things, not my cards.

i needed a couch. you know, something on which to sit and think law school thoughts, like what the rules of discovery are, the original intent of the Framers in constructing the Bill of Rights, and how if you place the delicious icing layers of 4 oreos within the boundaries of the delicious cookie layers of 1 oreo, you create something so beautiful and deliciousy that it makes you wet your pants out of anticipation of consumption.

so i went out and found the most expensive, luxurious, refined, comfortable, and distinguished couch in my parent's garage, and it was delivered to me today. the first picture is of me playing COD:MW2 as i try to stay awake despite the couch's best efforts to convince me that it was sleepytyme. the second picture is of me having succumbed to the will of my new love seat. the second picture is also of my disproportionately long left leg which would falsely suggest that i am over 7 feet tall.



my radass little brother Andy™ is staying the night, and tomorrow we're heading out with my parents to visit our Family To The North. Andy™ and i watched the first half of The Jerk, during which time i spilled crumbs into the crevassesess of the couch, which is my way of marking my new territory. i also peed a little on one of the cushions just so any dogs that happen to visit will know what belongs to me.

p.s. this is the first blog post, but hopefully not the last, where i mention urinating TWO TIMES.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

chiP

this is my nephew, chiP, and i don't think there's anything quite as awesome as his little man-boobs.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

just to clear things up

i know that there have been some rumors about my personal life swirling around both of the internets. i don't normally divulge many aspects of my personal life online, but for this particular matter i'm going to make an exception. i'm here tonight to just cut through the bologna and attempt to set the record straight.

yes, it's true that i once tried to eat a small child while he wasn't looking.

i'd wanna be in the cavalry

i wouldn't say that i'm a lover of horses, and i think that is evidenced by the fact that my last encounter with a horse was a frikandel i had whilst living in the netherlands. however, this truly phenomenal song leads me to believe that if i were to be sent off to war, i would also want to be in the cavalry.

saturday

today started off with such great potential. i woke up at 9:30, all pumped up to get stuff done. i was committed to getting all of my crap finished so that i can have a nice, relaxing evening. this is how the day has progressed so far:

9:30 - exited my slumber, all pumped up

9:30-9:45 - laid there, felt "pumped up" quickly replaced by lethargy

9:45-9:50 - made a cup of herbal tea and a bowl of marshmallow mateys

9:50-10:05 - ate my cereal. slowly.

10:05-10:10 - forced myself to make a list of all the things i need to do today

10:10-present - promptly ignored list, began watching videos my friend sent me of an Asian woman spectacularly folding t-shirts

i'm just as excited as everyone else to see exactly where this day is going to take me.

Friday, November 20, 2009

you growds up and you growds up

being a grown up is the best. i get to do whatever i want, like eat cookies for dinner, stay up as late as i want, and leave the heat off in this frickin' freezing weather because i'm saving my money for ammo.

here's me taking a break from my big research paper.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

marshmallows for lunch

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

i have not changed significantly since then





most people have no idea how much i loved atari, how good i was at showing off my legs, how round my stomach was, or how much kelly and i had the same chin, when i was little. hopefully these pictures will put all that to rest.

i'm pretty sure that first sentence had horrific grammar, but i ain't gonna fix it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

the death of TheHolyBeardedOne.com

as i'm sure two or three of you noticed, TheHolyBeardedOne.com no longer exists. it was a tough decision to not renew it, and after having it for 4 years, it's been kind of sad not owning it anymore. i didn't renew it because life is just too busy to maintain it properly - that, and the fact that i spent my $60 for renewal on a hat and marshmallows instead.

that's it for now.